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May 23, 2008 / David Lindner

Reasons not to have a garage sale

So, we’re having a garage sale today, (actually my wife is doing the garage sale while I am inside with the kids). And I’ve pretty much decided we’re never doing this again. Here are some reasons why:

  1. The paper could get your ad wrong and have people show up an hour earlier than you expected.
  2. You can say in your ad “no earlies” but that means nothing to most “earlies.”
  3. Those “earlies” will ring your doorbell repeatedly, just to let you know they’re there. (As if you hadn’t noticed the 10 cars in front of your house, and heard their conversations.
  4. It takes way more time to separate the stuff you want to sell (half of which is stuff you bought at a garage sale in years past), set up the sale, and man the sale than the money you will take in will give you per hour.
  5. Some old biddy will knock a jar of pickled peppers off the table, making a huge mess.
  6. The same old biddy will try to help you clean up the mess, and in the process ruin your kitchen broom.
  7. Your wife will have to hold your daughter while you clean up the mess.
  8. Before you get the mess cleaned up, your daughter will walk through the pickle juice in her socks.
  9. Your garage will now smell like pickle juice.
  10. By the time you pay for the newspaper ad, a new mop & a new broom, you’ll barely have enough money to buy your wife an ice cream sundae for all her hard work.

All of this in the first hour. I wonder what the next 9 will bring.

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